The On Deck Circle

Just like every Monday, today’s hangover has been submitted by the pride of Ancaster, Trevor Smith.

HANGOVER HEADACHES: HEADLINES
M-V-P, M-V-P: “Anything you can do/I can do better…” On both coasts, the two leading candidates for NBA MVP gave a national audience quiet a double-bill performance on Sunday afternoon. Out east, King James scored 37 points, including six in a crucial stretch in the fourth, to lead the Cavaliers over the Bulls, 95-86. James also had six assists, six boards, and one of the nastiest in-game dunks of the season when he bulled through the lane and crushed the rim from eye-level. Not to be outdone, Kobe Bryant hopped out of a phone booth outside of the Staples Center and promptly put forth his best Ka-El impression by scoring 22 points in the fourth quarter and eight in overtime to finish with a remarkable NBA-season-high 52 (plus 11 rebounds and four assists ) in the Lakers’ 108-104 victory over Dallas. “He didn’t cooperate on any of our defenses,” Dallas coach Avery Johnson said plainly. Mamba hit for 50+ for the 22nd time in his career, the 3rd most all-time. So, who is really the MVP? Check back in April, but my money is on His Holiness KB24 based on the Lakers record in what is the most competitive conference in over 30 years.

Reuniting and It Feels So Good? Moss and Culpepper: All-everything receiver Randy Moss is now entering his fourth day as a free-agent and with no deal seeming eminent with the Patriots, Moss has begun exploring other options. Apparently he has also taken to dropping Acid, or at least one assumes he must have to be suggesting that he wants to reunite with The Quarterback Formerly Known as Daunte Culpepper. Everyone remembers the pair’s glory days in Minnesota, but let’s not kid ourselves Sportsnation: if we open up Webster’s and flip to “Washed Up,” we’d find Culpepper’s sizable grill staring right at us. Get your roll on indeed, Daunte. While no one in Moss’ camp is saying this is a true package deal, the idea alone that the Superfreak would want to leave Tom Brady for the likes of Daunte speaks volumes to how much weed Randy has been smoking to get over the loss to the Giants. Moss has 774 catches, 12,193 receiving yards and 124 touchdown receptions for his career. Culpepper has 1 knee, an extra 25 pounds around his midsection, and 0 chance of ever being an elite QB again. “Straight cash homie.”

Anderson Silva Could Kill A Grizzly With His Bare Hands: It is official: Anderson Silva is the baddest man on the planet (and the most dominant fighter in the world). The Antivirus Norton will surely cover this far better than I could ever hope to, but from the casual fan’s perspective it looks as though Silva is unbeatable. Dan Henderson lasted slightly longer with Anderson than my boy Rich Franklin, or anyone else recently, for the matter. The Spider defended his title successfully for the fourth time as he submitted the Pride Middleweight Champ with eight seconds to go in the second round of the main event on Saturday’s UFC 82. “Not taking anything away from Dan Henderson — he came, he fought very well — but in my mind, the real champion other than myself that I have faced in the Octagon was Rich Franklin.” The only thing Franklin (and now Henderson) is champion of now is, in the words of Chris Tucker, getting knocked the…well, you get it.

ASPIRIN AND COFFEE: ODDS AND ENDS
Falcons sign RB Michael Turner: LT’s former backup agreed to join the Falcons on Sunday with a six year, $34.5 million deal. The pickup likely means the end of Warrick Dunn’s career in Atlanta. Apparently the team agreed to sign Turner when they found out he is a dog lover…(they are nothing if not consistent).

NCAA Favorites Survive (Barely): Tennessee just barely hung on to beat Kentucky; UNC overcame a 18 point deficit and Rice’s 46 points to beat BC; Memphis took the Conference USA title by narrowly beating Southern Miss; Duke rallied late against NC State to give Coach Satan, er, Krzyzewski his 800th career win; Kansas held Beasley to 39 and 11 while upending Kansas St.; and G’Town just squeaked out an OT win at Marquette. The only upset in the bunch: Texas Tech stunning No. 5 Texas thanks to Voskuil’s clutch play and my jinxing them last week (goodbye, Number 1 seed). Yes folks, its March. Let Madness reign.

Els Gets First PGA Win Since 2004: The Big Easy shot a 3-under 67 Sunday to win the Honda Classic. In a related story, Tiger Woods sat in a hammock all weekend and it was twice as impressive as anything Els has done in four years.

Testimony Shows Another Positive Bonds Test: In news so blatant it surprises only Barry Bonds, information contained in a unsealed court transcript lists an additional positive steroids test as well as the one previously reported. Prosecutors are accusing Bonds of lying 19 different times during his grand jury appearance, and charging him with four counts of perjury, one count of obstruction of justice, and one city zoning violation for that size 8 ½ head of his. HULK SMASH!!!

Brady Quinn Expects to Compete for Starting Job: This despite Derek Anderson just signing a $24 million, three-year contract. Word has it that Brady is at the top of his class at the Roger Clemens Institute of Self-Denial.

Just like every Monday, today’s hangover has been submitted by the pride of Ancaster, Trevor Smith.