The NFL Fantasy Funbox, Week 5

We’ve hit the quarter mark in the fantasy season, and it’s time for that crucial week 5.  If you’re winless, this is your last week to turn it around so listen up and we give you all the info you need to be successful.  We apologize for not posting earlier this week, but the Geezer was adamant on not submitting his pick until his Gold Bond arrived in the mail.  Anywho, here it is:

BEER BARON - Gotta go with my boy Donovan McNabb.This is a huge matchup for the Eagles, as to lose to both the Cowboys and Skins early in the year would not only significantly hinder their chances of capturing the NFC East crown, but also work against them in vying for a playoff spot.Bank on McNabb to rise to the occasion even without the reuben errr Brian Westbrook, and prove that It is indeed Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Honorable mention:I can’t believe I’m putting this down, but I believe partyboy Kyle Orton will have a fine performance against the Lions despite Millen’s reign of terror being over.

Raptor: Tony Romo. Is TO whining?Is everything falling apart in the Big D?Does not The Beer Baron not like to not, not drink beer? The answer - Maybe. However, Romo gets to go up against the Bengals. Barber will get his carries, TO will get his passes, Witten will get plenty of looks, heck, even Jessica Simpson will probably end up with a couple balls by the end of the night. Romo will explode this weekend. Put him in your lineup.

Honorable mention - Philip Rivers

Gizmo - Drew Brees.  I’ve decided to change things up a little this week and not choose Jay Cutler, so wish me luck. Minnesota has the league’s premiere run defense, but their protection from the aerial attack leaves something to be desired. This should bode well for Brees and the pass heavy offense of the Saints. Heck, their primary running back has 70 more yards receiving than rushing this year. Lance Moore has filled in nicely in the absence of Colston giving Brees enough options to put him in the top 3 this week.

Honorable mention - Tony Romo

Read rest of story

Running Backs

Beer Baron - Steve Slaton. “You either don’t care or are incompetent”.Despite my disdain for the NDP, brilliant line from Jack Layton. For those of you out there that own Steve Slaton and don’t play him this week, that quote applies directly to you.This rook is for real, and don’t count on a Wall-Street esque downfall this week, as he gets the Colts who have reverted back to their old habit of refusing to play defence.

Honorable mention: Marion the Barbarian gets back in the TD column this week.

Raptor: Matt Forte. Forte gets the first soft defense of his career this week in the Lions. Detroit is like a good wingman - They can make any ball-carrier look like a stud. Matt Strong has been putting up big stat lines playing tough teams. As the focal point of the Bears O he should put up Godlike numbers this Sunday.

Honorable mention:  Steve Slaton

Gizmo - Marion Barber.  Dallas ran the ball a feeble 11 times last week, but that was an aberration due to playing from behind most of the game.  Against a Cinci team that is in shambles, that simply won`t happen this week.  Barber should be fresh and eager to pound the ball to make up for last week`s disappointing outing and Wade Phillips has promised to commit to the ground game on Sunday, making MBIII an elite play this week.

Honorable Mention:  Frank Gore


Beer Baron - Chad Ocho Cinco. Here it is Ocho:This is your last week to prove yourself to all those fantasy owners who took a chance on relying on you as their #1 receiver.You’ve promised to score this week and kiss the star in Dallas.Don’t disappoint.

Honorable mention: Calvin Johnson aka Megatron, leader of the Decepticons.

Raptor - Steve Smith .Sure I could take the easy route and pick TO here - he is probably a safer bet to score twice this weeked than Wilmar Valderrama. But since I’ve got a pair I’m going to go with my boy Steve Smith. Smith has an interesting matchup against a resurgent Chiefs team that just smacked around the NFL’s second best aerial attack in the Broncos. The guy who led the Broncos in yards wasn’t Big Brandon Marshell though, it was Elfin Eddie Royal. Smith is a burner like Royal and he’ll roast the Cheifs this weekend.

Honorable Mention - Greg Jennings

Gizmo - Larry Fitzgerald. Will this guy ever put up poor fantasy numbers? Possibly, but with Boldin sidelined this week, not a chance. Warner will be looking his direction about every second play, giving him ample opportunity to make it a fourth straight 100-yard game. Throw in a TD and you’ll be as excited as the Geezer when he finds out Matlock reruns are on.

Honorable Mention - Brandon Marshall

Tight End

Beer Baron - Antonio Gates. Heading into the year, pundits were arguing that Gates has lost his status as top TE stud to the likes of Jason Witten and Kellen Winslow. While this may be true, Gates has not left the upper echelon of fantasy tight ends, and one could make the argument that, considering his toe injury, he still is the top dawg. Gates has notched a TD in each of his last two games, with 3 total in 4 games, and count for that streak to continue this week against the lowly Fins.

Honorable mention: Owen Daniels.

Raptor - Greg Olsen. Olsen has been a pretty big bust this year but his talent is undeniable. He can be plucked off the waiver wire in almost all leagues but is in for a big game this week. He’s quietly developing chemistry with Orton, probably because of the similarity of their last names. Bank on hearing Orton-to-Olsen a half-dozen times on game day and then again throughout the week on highlight shows across the country.

Honorable Mention - Antonio Gates

Gizmo - Jason Witten. Witten and Gates are easily 1-2 when it comes to fantasy tight ends, and this week is no different. However, Gates is getting his points off TDs and Witten is getting his points the hard way. I’d much rather have the consistent yardage than the intermittent TD scores that Gates brings to the table. The TDs will come for Witten and Cincinnati provides the Cowboys with a good chance of a high scoring game that Witten should take full advantage of.

Honorable Mention: Antonio Gates

Sleeper of the Week

Beer Baron -Trent Edwards. The first legit Bills QB since the one and only Doug Flutie (take that Rob Johnson fans, all 5 of you). Edwards faces the Zona D this week, who got lit up by Favre for 6 TDs last week. While the Bills O is centered around Marshawyn Lynch (and for good reason), this is the weekend to get that passing game to the next level. Even more, their deep threat Lee Evans just signed a massive contract extension. Don’t you think he wants to prove that he was worth it?

Raptor - Vincent Jackson. People have been raving about Chris Chambers this year but I would prefer to have Jackson. Rivers has taken his play to the next level and Jackson will reap the rewards. Chambers scores have been lucky, Jackson makes his own luck. With huge size and big-time speed you can bet he’ll be throwing parties in the endzone for years to come. He’s the number 1 option at WR but will probably draw the number 2 corner. Bank on him blowing up this weekend because there is simply no one in all of Florida that can cover him.

Gizmo -Randy Moss. Who’d have thought Randy Moss would qualify as a sleeper, but if you’re like me, and have him on your roster, I am sure you’re getting to the point where you are starting to contemplate benching him if he doesn’t perform. Well, coming off a bye week after an abysmal loss to the lowly Dolphins, I will plead with you to give Moss another chance at a spot on your weekly roster. Belichick has had plenty of time to prepare his team for the 49ers and surely has found a way to cure his team’s offensive woes. In order for that to happen, Moss will have to see the ball much more often, so give the guy another chance this week and don’t let him sit this one out.

Bust of the Week

Beer Baron - Ryan Grant…What else is new? I have zero faith in Grant, and am already labelling him this year’s bust. I dunno whats more painful to watch: this guy trying to run the ball or Stephane Dion’s valiant attempt to speak English. Even though the Falcons can be run on, I don’t see Rodgers starting, leaving two rookie QBs to pick up the slack, meaning 8 in the box vs Grant.

Raptor - Clinton Portis. Since Portis gets the rock so often in the passing/running game it’s very tough for him to bake a bagel for your bottome line…But this is the week he puts on the chef’s hat and does exactly that. He’s a true feature back but it doesn’t matter how often you get him the ball, he still won’t get more penetration than Gizmo on a friday night. Philly can be thrown on but their front seven lock down the line tighter than The Geezer’s cookie jar. Take Portis out of your fantasy lineup this week.

Gizmo - Reggie Bush. We all know how strong Minnesota’s run defense is, but Bush has been making a living as a fantasy running back through the air this year. Don’t let that tempt you into thinking Bush will still produce this week.1) Lance Moore has arrived and Brees won’t be looking Reggie’s direction as often. 2) Deuce McAllister has returned and is stealing carries and will devalue Bush again this week. 3) Minnesota’s D-line is obviously aware of Bush’s threat as a receiver and will adjust to counter any plans to get Bush involved in the offense. He will likely still put up decent numbers in a PPR, but I would definitely look for other options this week if possible.

Pickup of the Week

Beer Baron - Leron McClain. Even if Willis McGahee is healthy, it seems McClain has worked his way into at least a goal-line back role - a perfect fill-in at the flex position for those of you facing bye weeks. It’s conceivable that a committee is worked out involving McClain and McGahee. It’s even more conceivable to believe that McGahee continues to suck/get injured, and the Ravens ride McClain all year. All in all, by pickin up McClain you’re getting a guy with a high ceiling, and minimal downside.

Raptor - Steve Breaston. ‘Zona has a tough matchup against the Bills but Stevey B will get it done. Warner looks to have shaken off the effects of the elephant tranquilizer that was in the ‘Vitamin Syringe” that Leinart gave him before last game, and will be ready to rock on Sunday. Boldin will probably not be cleared to play and Breaston will be there to pick up the slack.

Gizmo: Leron McClain. Unless you read the funbox regularly, and followed the Beer Baron’s advice from last week, Moore should still be available in most leagues. This guy is the real deal and has surely cemented his place as a starter even after Colston returns to the line-up. He has been compared to Wes Welker from last year and this comparison seems completely justified. I feel cheap stealing the Baron’s pick however so I will recommend LeRon “Die Hard” McClain as a noteworthy addition to any roster after McGahee health became questionable last week.

Geezer pick of the week

This weekly pick is for all those crusty old veterans out there who somehow manage to put up a solid fantasy line.

This week`s pick, right from the Geezer`s typewriter: Brian Griese. Brian Griese has not been sacked in his last two games.  This is nice for any quarterback, especially for one who throws more than 40 passes a game.  Sure he’s got an interception streak going, but I couldn’t care less because it looks like he’s going to throw for Kitna in ‘07 kind of numbers against a terrible Denver defence (by the way this is going to be a common theme all season, and yes I’m a Denver fan).  If he keeps throwing interceptions he’s not going to make it to the end of the season (or Tampa’s bye week), so I don’t know if I’d pick him up off waivers, but he should be good for QB1 points this week.

Good luck this week, and check back next week for another edition of the Funbox, complete with updating standings among us, and of course, the Geezer pick


Leave a Reply